Unforgiving Denigration

“The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”

-Norman Vincent Peale.

Why Denigration Hurts?

We all encounter some form of criticism all the time. We must understand that it is inevitable, and we have to learn to deal with it productively rather than allowing it to be detrimental to our self-development.

Undoubtedly, yes, and (perhaps) it is unavoidable too. We all are perfectly imperfect. Aren’t we? Why to talk about others, even we are (often) quite sure about our own inadequacies.However,The challenge is in acknowledging the reality. Definitely tough, when it comes from others. By and large, we do not take criticism well. We won’t listen to criticism because we believe all criticism to be unjustified. We assume it as mean-spirited act of cynics.But why do we believe so? It could also be an opportunity to demonstrate our self-control and humility to take even denigration constructively.

Why can’t we just simply appreciate it as a healthy feedback?  

At many occasions, I am being questioned if criticism troubles me or makes me annoyed. Let’s appreciate that when you are working in an organisation at the position of responsibility, along with relishing plunders of reverence and admiration, you are bound to receive fair amount of denigration. Yet, you hardly ever deliberate over the power of criticism as an indispensable part of your growth. People may criticise you for several reasons, largely when things are not perceived or working to their advantage. As a leader you are bound to be the soft target to ventilate their disgruntlement. Criticism is like free toppings over the responsibilities. Your every action will be dissected microscopically, that too by the people who are (possibly) far incompetent to even comprehend the complexities and underlying confines in available choices. It becomes more penetrating as you climb up the corporate ladder. You can’t imagine to react to every criticism by justifying your position? Absolutely not possible. As a responsible professional, you shouldn’t assume that what you say or do is ostensible to others in similar perspective. Rather, you should take a sincere look at yourself. It demands a comprehensive understanding of the veracity in people’s perceptions. While it is not that easy to yield to a judiciously introspective path, but doing so may bring you the best upshots.

Regrettably, criticism is commonly in discourteous language. Where attack is targeted on you and not on your actions. The fight is more on “who” is right than “what is right. It is difficult to take such denigration as a completely isolated and non-personal feedback. Normally you would never want to agree that you were off the beam. Yet, you can’t even turn it into an ego excursion of ‘I, Me, and Myself’.

We all encounter some form of criticism all the time. We must understand that it is inevitable, and we have to learn to deal with it productively rather than allowing it to be detrimental to our self-development.

I have witnessed many senior professionals severely personalizing criticism and reacting to all such condemnation with sleepless nights, disturbed family relations, trauma, cyclical spells of irritation , soreness, and antagonism. Diverting their entire focus and energy in identifying the positive “qualifiers” (acknowledgers) in the system. No one would appreciate being detested. Therefore, it would be common for many to try to circumvent activities which are likely to carry disapprovals. Yet, I believe it is critical to figure out a logical line of thinking for addressing our unwarranted penchant to adopt denigration as our own crying baby…So what to do?

Register and Shore-Up

Denigration unsurprisingly bites, but positive people do not dwell on the hurt emotions. Rather, tend to put aside the sentiments and then move forward. Please, learn to dispassionately witness your feelings as they arise. Trust me, you need to be non-judgemental on feedbacks. At times, you are possibly disinclined to acknowledge your infuriation and naively enhance the stress level within. Why you should insulate emotions? Why to stuff-down your feelings? Your emotions are fundamental to the internal defence mechanism. They essentially signal rebelliousness of reflex mechanism. By snubbing your feeling, you are carving a much loftier issue for the future. Let feelings be register in your mind. Yet, hold your reactions. Learn to clamp your reactions even in the circumstances of highest embarrassment. Criticism benefits you to be a stable minded professional at the intellectual and emotional level. Consciously practice forgiveness. Otherwise, there is a risk of unknowingly perpetuating the cycle of denigration by conveniently feeding your detractors. In fact, every criticism provides you a handle to leverage your future. Moreover, a critic is helping you to open avenues to flourish your canvas of thinking. He is helping you in magnifying the limited perspective. In fact, it refines your inner capabilities to control your senses without being agitated at the impending circumstances and to admire any suffering or joy alike. Precisely, the pronouncement (by Krishna) on Sthithapragyan in Bhagvad-Gita.

Introspect:

Introspection is (like) self-mirroring. It helps you in internalizing factual denigration without being mercurial. Self-awareness will facilitate your own understanding of limitations. It is essential and imperative to evolve a deep inner awareness. Evoke your power of listening to the inner voices. With meditative self-awareness, you can closely witness your own ability to stride on the tightrope of accountable leadership choices, that too, with conviction. It is like groping the spores of truth in disapprovals. This would help you to overcome your own restrictive blocks mutely instigating your mind to ignore valid signals of improvements or to distinguish a necessity for amendments in your thinking and conduct. You may not be right all the time. It is crucial to be candid to self. There are many ways to do the same thing. No point sensitively holding onto something without being open to alternatives. In fact, a critical disapproval gives you a chance to be more imaginative in problem solving. It may help you to explore the uncharted versions. You see, regardless of how effectual you are as a leader, your faultfinders do not know the extent and depth of your values, beliefs and goals. Take a well comprehended view of the reactions you are receiving and see how best that fits into modelling of your impending choices or in improvising your current outlook. Contemplate navel-gazing as a self-appraisal. Introspection augments your personal growth and humility. But be aware about the cognitive bias. Do not misconstrue unreliable introspection for genuine self-knowledge. Besides, learn to fall back on your unpretentious well-wishers for an unaffected feedback. The sagacious well-wishers would certainly recommend you to reflect over the criticism. Even in the most deleterious disapproval, there exists a nucleus of a larger constructive message for you. Reach out to guardian angels to offer you a true feedback and solace. It is important to have your informal network outside your work as a powerful reverberator.

Conviction in Higher Purpose:

When focus at work is at the larger cause, you would be able to digest strong criticism. When your decisions are for the betterment of system and for a laudable cause, I am sure you would be able to weather imminent denunciations. As a leader you are answerable when things go wide of the mark. However, vilification is not an indicator of your failure. Result of your action will never be larger than the sincerity in your action. Criticism is a perspective, a point of view. You should not recognize it in black and white. No amount of denigration can undermine your accomplishments. There could be many reasons why you could not achieve success despite your earnest efforts. As a professional leader you are responsible to reassure, build, and facilitate solutions for the questions in front of you. It is essential for you to learn to control your feelings. You need to learn to single out applause and denunciation from your failure and success. Your critics may be trying to help you out and not adjudicating you for your actions. Finally, it is your choice that you pick out such responses for the larger cause or indulge in inconsequential blame games. Trust me, it would be redemptive to let people ruminate whatsoever they want. You need to be clear in your conscious.

Laugh it Out:

Laughter is the best medicine. Laughter is so contagious and powerful .Yes, jollity can boot out the stress of being in a demanding prominent position. As a professional you are not supposed to be babying ‘people-pleasing’ choices. Not at all! Therefore, do not let criticism dampen your quality of courage and your passion. Hold your first reaction to whip back at the person (My mother taught me a great lesson to count up to ten before reacting). No point reacting impulsively. Cool off! You can’t let it trouble you. There is nothing wrong in articulating to your critics how you would prefer to be treated. If you are convinced about the candidness in your action, then my personal advice is to take it lightly as an ill-informed observation from someone who would most likely be fine with you after realizing the facts. Therefore, have enough appetite to digest intentional criticism and take such revolting faultfinders in your stride. You will only deceive yourself by getting into justifying exercise. Your defensiveness will only supplement encouragement to the critics. If you get aggrieved and knock-back at people, then unquestionably you are going to make it free-for-all. Rather, laugh it out. But, not before cherry picking the gems out the message and internalizing it for your own good.

I would suggest you to be at ease with criticism. It is essential for your improvement. It can open up a sealed inner window for introspection. Leadership is not to show off your power or intelligence. Look for commonalities in feedback for constructive conclusions. Why should you be obsessed for conformity all the time? Rather, as a true professional, express your willingness to evaluate your decisions and actions. Effective leaders characteristically conglomerate passion with tough resolve and an unfaltering commitment to achieve desired results, while defying all impending challenges. Just shut down those bad feelings and move on. No amount of condemnation should thwart you from your cherished dreams.

Let me share with you an ancient legend of Buddha, beautifully demonstrating that we all have the choice whether or not to take personal offence from others conduct. A man who was for some reason very angry with Buddha began to criticize him. The Buddha listened patiently while the man voiced his wrath. He outraged him, he dared him, he did everything he could to upset Buddha. Buddha was unruffled. Finally, Buddha asked that man a very simple question, “If someone offers you a gift, but you then choose to decline to accept it, tell me, who would then own the gift? The man said, “The giver”. Buddha smiled. “That is true. So if I decline to accept your abuse, does it not then still belong to you?” The man was speechless.

Whenever someone tries to insult you, you can choose to decline the denigration.

Remember, the words of wisdom…No one can insult you without your permission!

Speak out…!